Joy

Whew, seems long time since i blogged, partly coz i actually wanna blog abt ASTRO ANE XI CAMP!!!! damit man, it rox like hell!!!!!1

first day was the most tired, coz i was busy helping moving stuff and right aft that, went to picked up the participants, haha, kinda feel nervous coz i dunno hu are coming, but after some self intro, my members are : shawn, jie han, ting hui, wei li, rawda and charles.

i skipped dinner, coz when they reach i have to start gluing the group( which i sux at), althought we tried our best, i think they are still bored... heix, aft that, we assemble them at the sleeping area and started bumber bee. damn, me n shen bao are damn suay, we kena the last 2 so we have 2 do a forfet. but, nic is damn funny, he was like chasing the ppl till his so tired that he ended up trying to act as a "hunter", hiding behind the "trees", waiting for his "prey", haha.

i have to do a " carnival king" with miao qing as a forfet... lol, it wasnt my day, i had 2 forfet eariler on, 1 is i have to go behind evelyn to shout i like her, the other one is i have to sing a song with a loud hailer... lol

when the clock strikes 12.01, hehe,... gues wat, its joel's bdae so wat we did is, STACK!@!!!! , im the second as usual... ouch... kena squashed ...

after that was an ob, its really lucky as we get a clear sky by 1.12..it rkws, as most of the constilliation start appearing out, and we can get a kinda clear view of most stuff, for a short period of time which sux,... and vic was like trying to find the orion nebula, coz he wanna see the great "one".... lol...

after that we were asked to go to lecture hall 73 2 watch a movie, i slept all the way until later, and reliased that its night walk, it wasn't that scary, but i was shocked when they caught me off guard, and surprisingly, brendan is the guy in the toilet in route 1 n milton is the guy in robe( knew that) =p! lol... but the whole thing is kinda fun and nice...

a series of unfortunate events...

wtf, im really getting clumsy, caoz, fking partition, cb sia, block the whole path then chipped my leg when it fells down with a fking thud, knn.
freaking pain now and not really doing anything, think my tag box is spoiled.... knn

Live

-Listening to River-

pretty in a down mood now, juz read throught my old blog, kinda feel the life back then, and the life now, with a very big contrast... i feel so lonely, i dun have any more close friends now, i cant find some one on msn now 2 tok bout my life, neither can i call ppl now to tok, i am really down, i would wish that i have the phone connection then having a laptop... and i would have wished that i were with gab...

every litter things i jotted down on my old blog spike tears in to my eyes, all those joy, fun and pain i got throught, i will never forget, and i will never be able to let it go as theres still something that holds me there, something that i seem to still stuck on, feeling like a fly trapped in a spider's web, i feel hopeless...

looking at the lifestyle now, it kinda sux, theres not really lots of ppl 2 tok 2 now, i feel so restrained, so stripped of my life. theres like thousands of things i wanted to empty it out but cannot do it. i think hiding back behind the curtain is better, atlease the slight warm feeling i get is better than the coldness i get off ppl.... much like a freezing field, the dif is that its perm.

-by_myself-
myself, i cant relie on myself, im too dependent, i feel so unsecure when im alone, "i cant seem to convince myself why, im stuck in the outside", that line rings me alot, kinda remind me of the anti-melvin campaign, except that i have start to miss those days now...

-only_one-
i am giving up, of what im always am, i feel stripped of an important key factor now, i feel like an angel whose wings are crippled.... unable to do anything, the only thing i can do now is call "nothing". ..... the song reminds of minyi, haha, kinda awakard now mentioning her name on my blog, but i can say, she is one person i really loved really deeply and madly b4..... but thats the past now, i haver only a fragile future to look to, i can only hope to look and see if theres any small chance that i can get some joy from the future i have already forseen..... the cracking and collapsing future of mine...

long time ~ long time...

Wootz... gonna start ANE soon, kinda look forward to the fun im gonna enjoy there... currently working my piece of shit head off.... sianz man, fark that boss of mine... now im thinking bout how 2 fin all the hw so i can start to world edit again... haha so song.... can yet again world edit... shiok....

lol, kinda say that im preety much ok now with this kinda lifestyle... bout poly life style... its like that means its like that... i cant force it to change neither can i force it not to change me... lol... tired like fark now.... so sianz....

helpless behind the loud laughter...

heiz, now im really damn tired, after learning what has happened to my brother, i felt an unpleasent twing in my mind, its like im now being infested by something...... it is chewing my brain off slowly....

tired... and sick... now im really feeling that burden on me again.... im really gonna spend more time doing all this things to start patching up all the broken pieces.... all of them....before the time is gone.... and i will have to borrow time again....

atlease, im now feeling better juz by taking a step back, blending in back to the surrounding again.... that feels nice, too used to it already... "creed", the band im now stuck to now... haha, to think im stuck to an english band, not to say that im anti el, but juz that i rather feel that jap is kinda nicer.... thats the beauty of understanding something that i don understanding...

heavy stress on me now, im now the next expected pillar of this family... i have to start buck up and really put in more efford, more thatn juz reading b4 lesson... i have to be certain that this is the future i've choose, coz i have no room or time to make any mistakes for changes or start from scratch, im rather sry to gab, i cant fullfill the dream that we both were discussing b4, now that i feel like im tearing up, from the inside.... some how, the almighty one up there decided to play this joke on me....

Those are now merely the past to me now, merely dreams i have in the past, all those dreams... i am tired, this fragile future im having, is taking my soul away.... i have not really any more to give, but the time i am having now... i wanna be like others, i wanna enjoy and live like the rest... but it seems that i have to walk out of the joy, and choose between pain or despire...

i've no room for other things now, i'll just occupie myself with games to destress... i'll just have to make do with all this now, i cant ask for any more...let me be happy juz for once, thats all i can say in destress....for once....

Lost heaven

sry, cant continue with the chalet part recently, coz having prob uploading pics...
was thinking again recently... school started... and 2005 is bout to end soon... i cant really say much(again)... but really being thinking... i have lost what i really have wanted for, a heaven of my own... where i always put my thinking to work, now, im being plagued by massive thinking again... while sitting down here...

im now thinking too much that i cant even express all my thoughts well...
im stressing now... i felt like i am having split-personality... or more likely, split-minded.... i can be thinking bout tons of things at one go, such that when my interaction with other people makes me jump into a hectic situation... worse is when i started stressing.... i seem to be toking without thinking again... and getting hot and kanchiong easily... i dunno why, but somethings wrong with me...

last but not lease, ppl having o's, GL HF, thats all i can say, everything is all in u, its a matter of whether u can do it or not.... and mahen, if u read this, cheer up, dun feel so depressed.... u still got frenz to look after ur back...