X-mas

so fast, its like time flies and now, im gonna go santa clause again... tired and bored... lol..

but when i woke up today morning, i felt real drain, for some reason, i felt like a sting of venom just jabbed me in my heart, i cant control my limbs and just lie down there striggling to move. and all of a sudden a flash back of bad memorises flushed back on me. making me feel really upset.

sat on the sofa and tried taking a deep breath to see if that release the tention, but it does not seem to help at all and when i walk to the kitchen, that damn feeling came again when i saw the knife on the table, it make me wanna just go cut my wrist ( i dint cut, but i have a funny urge to cut it).

i just throw myself on to the sofa, switching on my laptop and my router, its a damn boring morning, and im still tired.... last nite was fun, Astro x-mas party, but damn, if onli i can stay overnite.... i dunno why, but im getting a feeling like im floating, rather, i have a feeling that im not wat i use to be, im rather less responsive and less thinking of my words. i think im rather having depression.....