"her"

juz reach home.... saw her again at the bus stop where i take my bus home... long time never see her, she has grown more pretty.... that makes me lesser want to go and talk to her. i was with my classmates... talking crap as usuall.. then 1 of my fren came, then she came too.l.. sitting at the seat at a pillar infront of me... over heard one of my fren's classmate talking,"hey, ur girlfriend come already."..... i was like.... i really donno... i really dunno wat to do or to react... but to sit there and continue to crap.... crap about the stuffs i made my fren in to at a lecture eariler.... i felt the void, the pain, the suffering flooding me again, not because she rejected me, but because she is now attached... to one of my best fren..... i felt the void in me, slowly consuming me again.... un able to react or do anything left me hopeless down there, i guess she must have saw me, but choose to stay there..... because she wants to keep a distance from me.... i am juz too low class.... i felt like im nothing, nothing at all, she is such a ravshing lady,but im juz a fat ugly jerk,i am poor and not worthy of her, while my best fren is rich, is successful in lossing weight and oso not a bad character... im juz too ditto... too arragon... too vulger... and too insencertive... thats y at the claz bbq i am a spoil sport... sry ppl..... really sry... i hav let loose the most ugly side of me again.,... i really hope there is someone this time to hold me back... but in this new enviroment theres none.... i have no one that leashs me back... no one... and the feeling of having ppl and espically "her" leaving... is unberable..... i really feel pain... like a scaple cutting my heart in to 2, splitting it from left to right, letting blood flowing around the place.... making my heart feeling more pain then ever.... i cant breath... this is too hard on me... Y is it always like that? i really cant feel a thing now... juz when im now mixed well wif my claz mates... stressing about the on coming common test... this thing is back to haunt me..... Y....Y this.... i wanna talk it to some one... but who can i talk to?... i donno..... i really donno.... i pray time will wash this away and ill not wanna feel this pain again......